Cash For Clunkers

Hey Screwer season ticket holders, have you heard about the new program that allows you to redeem your tickets for the remainder of the season?  It’s called,  “Cash For Clunkers”, and if you hold a ticket stub from last night’s debacle, you can earn up to a $50 rebate per game on any remaining tickets you may have for the 2009 season.  Well, maybe I just made this scenario up, but it sure would apply after all the crappy games these guys have turned in during the month of July, but none more embarrassing than the 14-6 clunker the Blew-Ha’s offered last night. 

From the moment newly acquired Felipe “throw me out at any base” Lopez was gunned down at home, to the sounds of the boo birds after the Nats Josh Willingham deposited yet another Grand Salami into the upper deck, it became painfully obvious that the Screwers are now fully engaged In their patented post All-Star game slide into oblivion, and without the bottle of C.C. to comfort them this year. 

Don’t look now, but the Scrubs have won five in a row, eight of their last ten, and used a walk-off Grand Slam from Al Soriano yesterday to dispose of the Astros and remain in first place in the always humorous NL Comedy Central. In the meantime, Jeff Suppan surrendered 10 runs on ten hits in five innings, another stellar outing, and Lucy and Corey All-Amish Hart contributed meaningless home runs in another softball game pitching performance from the Blewers against the Mighty Nationals, who, until yesterday, had won a grand total of ten games on the road all season. But have no fear Screwer fans, for Carlos Villa-No Way-Va is here, with his 2-7 record and 6.17 ERA riding in to rescue Macha’s minor leaguers today.  Maybe not. 

Blew Notes…MLB announced it is placing an asterisk next to Willingham’s name in the record books because the two grand slams were off Brewer pitching….  Teams officials say Melvin has been inquiring about the availability of left hander Michael Vick….  Derek Turnblow and Eric Gagne were kicked off a golf course in Nashville for disrupting the play of other golfers with howls of laughter…despite their 7-15 record in July, beer prices remain steady at $6.75  Miller Park. 

Three days until the Color Purple IV debuts in Minnesota. 

And For What 

Citing the frequent regularity of grand slams by opposing teams at Miller Park, Klement’s Sausage Company announced today the addition of a sixth Racing Sausage, The Grand Salami.  “He’ll be named Josh, and he’ll be given the number 4, which was previously worn by Hot Dog.  Hot Dog will wear number six from now on, “ explained Hans Casing, who oversees the sausages.  Josh, The Grand Salami,  will make his debut tonight at $6.75 Miller Park, in a game featuring the Mighty Washington Nationals.  “We’re really excited” added Casing, “The Nationals hit a lot of Grand Slams, especially against us.” 

Irv Cross contributed to this report.

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