April’s Fools

The Wurst thought he had seen it all, until April 2015

The final call came blaring out of the office radio, the Brewers had actually WON A GAME! It’s April 23rd, 2015, and the Milwaukee Brewers are now proud owners of a 3-13 record, the worst start in MLB history in the last 5 years. Yes folks, the Wurst Brewer Fan In The World thought he had seen it all in the 40 plus years of futility with this woebegone franchise, but this start, in this season, takes the cake.

Kyle Lohse, the pitching staff “Ace”, improved his record to 1-3 today and LOWERED his ERA to 7.94. True story. This is but a small peanut in a 3 pound bag of salted in the wound nuts that are littered all over $9 Miller Park already this season. How about an Opening Day 10-0 defeat, an 8 game losing streak, and a pathetic team total of 6 home runs and a .220 batting average going into the game Tuesday night against the Reds. Speaking of Tuesday night, how about the newly anointed gas can, Mike Fiers, giving up not one, but two Grand Slams to the Reds in back-to-back innings during a 16-10 shellacking at the hands of the previously light hitting outfit from Cincinnatti. Never mind that Elian Herrera, starting in place of the freakishly injured Scooter Gennett, drove in 5 runs in that game, including a Grand Slam of his own. Herrera finished with 5 RBI, his entire total from 2014. The Blue Crew still lost by 6 runs. And as long as we are on injury related topic, add Carlos Gomez (hamstring tear), and Johnathan LuCroy, broken left toe, to the 15 day DL and 4-6 weeks injured starter list that also includes the aforementioned Gennett.Convenient excuses for Mr. Roenicke and anyone who wants to chime in that it’s “still early”.

Not to be outdone by the debacle on Tuesday, the Blew-Ha’s took losing to another level Wednesday night when Gas Can #2, Frankie Rodriguez, aka K-Rod, became Wild Pitch-Rod, allowing the Road Runner, Billy Hamilton, to give the Reds a 2-1 lead in the top of the ninth. All that was left for 100 mile an hour flamethrower Aroldis Chapman of the Reds were three hapless Brewers to mop up with and loss number 13 was in the books. Forget about the exquisite three hitter tossed by Jimmy Nelson, that effort got tossed with the leftover half barrels.

So, firmly implanted in the cellar of the NL Comedy Central division, the Screwers finally got the attention of their displaced owner, Mark Attanasio, who flew in from California last night to assure anyone remotely interested in this team that the jobs of General Manager and manager Ron Roenicke were perfectly safe. Whatever Marvelous Mark was up to it apparently worked, as the Brewski’s finally dented the win column this afternoon behind Lohse and a home run from Adam Lind (the lone off season acquisition) and Aramis Ramirez, his first dinger of the year. There was much rejoicing in Beerville, obviously, but the reality is a weekend series with the first place St. Louis Cardinals, never any easy opponent for Milwaukee, even when they field a competitive team.

I’ll be there Sunday, clutching my Wily Peralta bobble head, shelling out C-Notes for rounds of locally produced $9 beers, and wondering if, just maybe, the Brewers can salvage the third game of the series and “improve” their record to 4-15. For all the relief and “stein half full” karma that will certainly emanate from this long overdue victory against the Reds today, the real joke is on the hard working fans that continue to spin the turnstiles at Miller Park. Like lemmings tumbling over the precipice, they have no idea that the real fools are themselves, led to believe that city of Milwaukee has a real live major league baseball franchise that can compete year in and year out.

It’s April all right, and we’ve all been fooled again.

And For What

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